7.07.2016

:: Back From A Long Hiatus

Hello all my friends and blog followers and a very, very heartfelt apology from being gone for, oh I don't know a year and a half...before I get into a bit of my story, first I have to say:

Thank you for the messages. 

Thank you for continuing to send me the love even when I was out of the blogosphere and not writing (or even thinking about writing) a post. 

Thank you for coming back and reading this post now. 

And, thank you for giving me another chance. 

I am back and won't let you down. Promise. I can feel it. I am back...I just don't know any better words to describe it. 

I am back. 

I can't exactly pinpoint what happened and why but over the past year and half, I seemed to have lost who I was and all my motivation for blogging. I had no inspiration. I don't know where it went but when I left Poland, my passion for blogging -well, it kind of stayed behind in Wroclaw. My love of culture, of travel, of shopping and of sharing it all with you was gone.

When I lived in Puerto Rico I. just. could. not. write. I would sit down, edit photos and just be blank and give up. "Maybe I will try tomorrow," I'd say. 

And tomorrow never came. 

Until today. 

Sometimes, you just have to wake up and ask yourself, "Why am I miserable? What can I do to change this? What am I missing?" And for me, the answer really was: I can't be in Puerto Rico another second. I want to go back to work. 

Now, I know my situation is unique. I couldn't work in Poland without Visa sponsorship and I couldn't work in Puerto Rico because I didnt speak fluent Spanish. Being a stay-at-home mom wasn't for financial reasons, it was because I just couldn't work. For some reason, this didnt bother me in Poland but in Puerto Rico, I just died. Maybe it was because I had been out of work for 2 years already and I was just done? Idk. But, I got my BA from Michigan State and my MBA from Hartford. Funded 100% by me, myself and I. And with a perfect 4.0, might I add. But, when my friends introduced me as 'a SAH mom that used to work at a great company.' Ummm I would rather crawl into a hole. I hated it. It wasn't what I WANTED to be. I had to make a change before I lost my mind. And in order to do that, I had to put myself in a location that allowed me to be what I wanted to be. 

So move home to Michigan with family I did. And, here in Michigan I am today.

I've been back to work for two days (yes, two) and I just feel like a new person. The first thing I wanted to do when I got home today was blog. OMG I can't even explain how good that feeling is. It wasn't forced, it just was. Ahh... as I sit here writing (and drinking an Oberon)... all I can do is sigh with relief and think: it sure feels good to be ME again. To be able to me again. That's the key: I am now able to be me again. 

I have been back in Michigan in total for two (ish) months and slowly returning back to who I want to be. What a blessing. Now, I don't want you to think I was clinically depressed because I have seen depression and this isn't what I was. I just wasn't happy. I lost ME. I knew it and I had to change it. Talk about a challenge. I truly hope if any of you are feeling this way, you are able to look yourself in the mirror, make a list of your goals and just take them on step-by-step. Write them down. Cross them off your list as you complete them. Eventually, you will find yourself again. It may feel like forever away, but you'll get there. I swear it. 

Have faith in yourself. Trust in yourself. And, if all else fails, know that AT LEAST now you totally know you don't want to retire in the Caribbean so cross that one off the bucket list ;) Phew, one less thing to worry about! Go you!

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